Myspace…the Wack

On choosing to depreciate a myspace account…

First off…I’m not interested in “befriending” any random slut dressed lightly in underwear who mass-spams people with their tawdry pictures in order to fool them into joining some wack-ass personals site. Nine out of every ten “friend requests” turn out to be something in that fashion. And for some reason, their sex appeal seems to diminish with the very idea that I am probably one person of a billion with whom they’ve requested friendship. Yeah, how sexy is that.

Secondly, I don’t care about your band. If i wanted to listen to your crappy emo or your lame-ass attempt at trying to be the next Creed, I would have searched for your music to begin with, and probably would have found your profile on my own. As it is, I have had no such desire, nor will such desire come about in the near future. That said, there’s no need to spam me with your friend request, because I have no interest in being your “friend.” Be honest, you’re not looking for friends, you’re looking for an audience. Well, take my advice: look somewhere else. Your music sucks. Your band sucks. Your myspace page sucks. And you probably do, too.

It was only a matter of time before chain letters made their way onto the internet. It started in my email inbox years ago. Now people are reposting them as bulletins by the wet bucketful. Uninspiring prose, poor poetry, unoriginal this and unimaginative that. Look, I don’t need to not “repost this” to have a crappy day. Odds are, I’m already having one. After all, I wasted a couple of minutes reading the bulletin in the first place.

My biggest problem with myspace, though, isn’t the same kind of easily-ignored bullshit mentioned above. Oh, no. Thanks to the heavy-breathers, myspace now has a relatively sizable reputation of being a hunting ground for sex offenders and child molesters, and I’d prefer to stay as far away from those assholes as humanly (or electronically) possible.

Now, understand that I’ve met some really decent people through myspace, and even though many of my friends remain, I simply feel that the cons far outweigh the pros at this point. My “digital identity,” or so to speak, can be better managed elsewhere. Not only that, but there was this incessant, inescapable feeling of lameness attached to having a myspace account to begin with. I can’t really explain that one, but there it is.