inquisitive

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Every now and then a scenario is brought to my attention that really gets my gears cranking, mostly hypothetical ones, you understand.  This one was pretty fun.

Delusion: purpose?

Suppose someone says “You know, it seems to me that it would just be easier to pick something to believe and go with it.  I mean, what’s with all the questioning and evaluating?  Really, what’s the point?

checkmate

[from the depths of who really knows where...]

I’d like to relate a story about someone named Luke.

When I went to attend class on Monday, only to find out that the first two of my three classes were cancelled, I found myself sitting outside near the large chess board located near the center of campus.  Imagine this thing measuring around fifteen feet on one side, the plastic pieces standing about knee-high.  There are always casual players about and at least several spectators engrossed in watching.  I’ve taken quite a liking to designating this spot for sitting.

I arrived at school about 30 minutes early, as is typical for me, and headed for that very spot, noticing a game in progress as I approached (also typical).  Sitting down, it occurred to me that there was something quite different about this particular game of chess.  Not different in that the pieces were upside-down or spray-painted green or anything like that, but still, there was something usual about the present game.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

correspondence

This is a letter to you.  Yes, you, with the slack-jawed look on your face.  You, who are probably, at this very moment, as you read these words, scratching your ass.  This is for you.

This is not the letter, however, but merely a precursor, if you will; a mere message of preparation for the letter which follows.  You will know when the letter begins, I am fairly certain of that.

This will be no ordinary letter, mind you.  Not like the letter from grandma, or the kind you get when your wife leaves you, or a notice of past due amount from your credit card company, or even the officious type of letter you received a couple of weeks ago telling you that you don’t qualify for federal student aid because you totally forgot to sign up for selective service when you were eighteen, even though you swear you remember doing it.  No, this is quite a different kind of letter.  You have never been the recipient of this kind of letter.  I know this because I haven’t written it to you until now.  It is quite possible, in fact, that after I write it, you may still not be such a recipient, even after you’ve recieved the damned thing.  I’m not sure, as I haven’t decided yet.

electile dysfunction

[brought to you by The National Association of We're Just Asking For It...]

Is everybody ready? It’s almost time to play that silly game we involve ourselves in every four years or so. Keep in mind that while I do not consider myself an expert on politics, I do consider myself a relative master of pattern recognition.

Delusion: We the people. Yep, it’s nearly that time again, when the two party system engages in battle via television, radio and what is loosely termed “public debate.” This election, at least the choices seem a bit more colorful, if you’ll excuse the unintended pun. Personally, I find it rather exciting to see an African American candidate, with potential for female vice presidential candidates in the mix. This, at the very least, gives the impression of progress, in a manner of speaking. One must ask oneself, however, will this really amount to any measurable change?

Seems to me that no matter what color you happen to be, or what religious background you may have, or what sexual organs you possess, that if you make it far enough to actually run for president, you probably share many of the corruptible traits that any presidential candidate possessed. I imagine that they all have the same taskmasters, anyway.

unmasked

[Hold your breath for the duration...]

Delusion:  Supposititious.  You!  Remove the face, and take off that hat.   They do not suit you and there no longer exists a need for such nonsense.  Please, at least for the moment, allow the real to show through.  Prove to me that you’re a real human being, complete with faults and the same amount of apathy that I, myself, can display.  If you don’t know, say so.  If you don’t care, don’t pretend to.  If you can’t possibly stand me, then act accordingly.  Anything else would be a complete waste of time.

Seclusion: The customer is priority one!  Attention customer service representatives:  It matters not that your company believes it is imperative that you tell me to “have a nice day.”  I know full well that you do not mean it, that you could honestly care less what kind of day that I have, intended or otherwise.  Please, if you must thank me for my patronage, then leave it at that.  You don’t care, and I don’t care that you don’t care.  Oh, and be sure to relay that message to the idiots on high who insist that you must, at all costs, pretend to care.

paradox

unedited

[brought to you with limited commercial interruption]

Delusion: Inevitability.  I stopped listening to the radio a long time ago.  For the most part, many popular stations tend to play the most popular songs over and over again.  At least, they did when I was an avid listener.  When I once asked, rhetorically, why this was done, I was given the answer: “they are catering to the lowest common denominator.”  I shrugged.

It didn’t bother me much.  I just switched to CDs and mp3s and to hell with the radio altogether.

Separately, I found myself questioning a lot of the ridiculous rules and laws we have in place which are designed to keep people from hurting themselves, accidentally or otherwise.  I figure, if certain members of our species have the desire to engage in activities which are potentially deadly or disfiguring, who are we to say that they can’t?  Eventually, a similar answer was given, regarding a “lowest common denominator.”

I was beginning to become bothered by this.

Imagine yourself at work, performing some tedious task or another, one that you perform often and with very little brainpower.  Now, imagine that your company has invented a “brilliant” new procedure for engaging in said tedious task, complete with an over-explanatory (and mandatory) computer training course for purposes of teaching you how the task should be completed in the future.  Let’s not forget that the task in question has all the complexity of tying one’s shoe.  But, as well-behaved minions do, you cooperate, only to find your intelligence insulted and your time completely wasted.

This bothers the hell out of me.

Seclusion: Inclusion.  The idea that the less-intelligent, less-abled, or less-skilled should be included and catered to is an old one.  Think of it as reverse-Darwinism.  As the dawn of human evolution began with “survival of the fittest,” it has now become “everyone must survive at all costs.”  This is really stupid.

Don’t get me wrong, I can relate to the old Vulcan axiom that “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few,” but this is getting ridiculous.  Let’s not forget that natural selection does have its purposes.  If we put so much effort toward making certain that the weak, stupid and ignorant survive, what do you expect the outcome to be?  I’ll tell you:  the weak, stupid and ignorant start breeding, in great numbers.  Pretty soon, as we are seeing today, we have a population super-saturated with ignorance, stupidity, weakness and apathy.  These are not the best ingredients for an enlightened species.  Remember, sometimes stupidity is a choice, not an inherent trait.

It seems I have come across something that may have humanity’s fate sealed tighter than that stupid pickle jar I’ve been trying to open.

Seclusion: Affront.  Recently, I had undergone a mandatory training course for new procedures regarding some mindless task at my job, again, with all the complexity of tying my shoe.  During this computer-delivered lesson, I was taken, step-by-step, through the process of generating a time-tracking sheet for duties performed by my crew.  Immediately after the interactive process of guiding me on “what to click on,” the next screen presented in big, bold letters:  LET’S REVIEW WHAT YOU JUST DID. I almost fell off my chair, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.  I decided to laugh at the ridiculous nature of what I was forced to deal with.  Later, I thought to myself, what kind of moron really needs this thorough of an explanation for something so blatantly simple?  Eventually, I came to the conclusion that there are, in fact, many of my fellow man (or woman) who require this kind of silly nurturing.  Why?  Because they’re stupid.  Period.  The evidence is starting to pile up, and it goes way beyond my little job in my little corner of the world.

Seclusion: The threat.  Here’s the issue I am confronted with.  At this point, I am forced to consider the exact value of this “lowest common denominator,” as people have liked to term it.  Call it curiosity; I just need to know, leave it at that.  After giving it quite a bit of thought, I have, unfortunately, realized that this value is zero.  That’s right, zero, zip, nothing.  Here’s where the paradox rears it’s ugly head.

Anyone who knows anything about mathematics can tell you that zero cannot be a denominator in a fraction.  It’s not simply that when you divide a number by zero, you get zero.  It’s that when you divide a number by zero, you get error, the null set, an impossibility.  As I understand mathematics (which, by the way, only goes only so far as college algebra), there are no exceptions to this rule.  When you divide a number by one, you simply get the original number.  But when you try to divide a number by zero, you might very well explode or something like that.  We are not talking about imaginary numbers here, we are talking about a big mathematical no-no.  It just isn’t done.

So what does this mean for us?

Conclusion: Survival of the dumbest.  As a species, we’re pretty screwed, and it’s our own fault.  If people want to drive without using a seatbelt, they should be allowed to do so.  If they die, then they die.  Scaring people into wearing safety belts, as an example, with the threat of monetary punishment if they do not will only lend a hand to helping the apathetic or the ignorant survive long enough to have children, and therefore instill their apathetic and/or ignorant ideals into those children, who, in turn grow to adulthood under the protection of seat-belt laws, bike helmets, and a whole cornucopia of practices we have put in place to ensure that the “lowest common denominators” of our society not only survive, but probably live longer than I do.  Sometimes, at my expense.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a pickle jar to open.

viewpoint

[brought to you by the space-time continuum]

Time is a man-given label applied to a concept seemingly inseparable from the universe itself, an attempt at framing the idea in terms we lesser beings can understand. The fullness of time’s own truth is quite possibly enough to drive one mad.  An endless spiral exists on a plane which, itself, spirals eternally. A dimension somewhat higher than the third presents itself in a ghostly fashion, unnoticed except for the face of change. Space intersects. A million and one possibilities manifest for each of a countless outpouring of happenstances.  Life becomes?

rematch

 [delusion, seclusion and conclusion is NOT filmed before a live studio audience.]

Hello?

Oh, no, not me again…

I’d say ‘in the flesh,’ but we both know better, don’t we? Good job, you remembered your perspective correctly.

Hey, how come when I address y– um, me, I have to use “me,” but me, by which I mean you, gets to use “you?” If that makes any sense.

Aha, the heart of the matter, then, is it? Very well, you have to use “me,” because I am simply a part of you. So, to you, I am you. But to me, you are simply…. You know, sometimes it’s just easier to call you a dumbass.

I suppose.. So, what do I want this time.

Keep you thinking, I suppose, and, therefore, you suppose.

Wait a second, do I control what I am saying or thinking to myself?

Don’t know. Do you?

Hmm, I would say that…..

Do you mean the you-you or the you-me?

……are you done?

Confused yet?

Yes, are we happy about that?

Take that, logic!

….

I suppose I’m the part of your brain that is most bored.

Don’t suppose there’s anything I can do about that.

Not really. Although, I suppose you could stop arguing with yourself.

Right, and let me walk away undefeated? I don’t think so.

Now, when you say “I don’t think so,” do you mean the I-you or the–

Shut up.

deactivation

 

[brought to you by an ironic, early morning musing]

 

Descent. Your body stopped functioning properly. In your weakened state, you somehow ended up in a prone position, dignified or otherwise. Your vision has since blurred, grayed and entered a blackness deeper than the long night of the universe itself. Slowly, and escaping notice, your other senses begin to shut down. Your breathing slows, and your pulse lightens. The limpness of your body is punctuated by a slight numbing sensation. Your battle with these disruptions to functionality was over before it began.

 

Darkness. Momentarily terrified, your very self is eventually overcome by the creeping unconsciousness. You are now out cold, vulnerable and subject to passing environmental whims. The point of horror passed, you have become perfectly still and serene, the epitome of inertia’s opposite.

 

Unfortunately, this tranquil scene is interrupted when you begin to snore.

the we

Delusion: Automaton.  They hate you. Hell, they might even want to kill you. Still, they need you.  Dare you go against the grain and throw tradition to the wind, you’ll only be labeled an asshole.  Take an example.

Delusion: Unconditional Traditional.  For every holiday, and every conceivable anniversary, there are greeting cards.  Where this originally came about, I am not sure.  Logically, it started with a simple idea, which took, and sooner or later, people were purchasing these “thoughts on cardboard” by the droves.  Its very ubiquity is sickening.  Today, to announce that you have absolutely no interest in the consumerist-side of holidays, which, you have the suspicion, caused the spiritual downfall of holidays to begin with, only results in a rather popular view of you being the proverbial “wet blanket.”

Humans are slaves to tradition, it seems.  Evidently, it matters not that certain traditions are started by business just trying to make another buck.

Christmas is about buying shit.  Thanksgiving was probably a crock to begin with, given what we’ve done with the natives of this part of the world.  And Easter dropped three hits of acid before spending an entire weekend watching reruns of “Who’s the Boss,” so, no wonder that it’s so screwed up.  Today, on the Fourth of July, we watch fireworks and remember the “bombs bursting in air,” but we don’t seem to truly remember the reason why there were any bombs in the first place.

Do as expected, but keep your head down.  Don’t think, just obey.  There isn’t time for thinking.  Follow those lemmings, dammit, we’re almost to the cliff…

Seclusion: Benign.  It is uncharacteristic of you to say any of the following and you should be ashamed of yourself:

“Your idea of wealth is stupid.”

“I don’t play your silly little social games.”

“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Who’s idea was this shit, anyway?”

 Conclusion: Individual.  Collective thought can only lead one into trouble.  Have we not learned enough from our obscenely violent history to have figured this out by now?  On any given year throughout human existence, there’s always a large enough collection of like-minded individuals who are causing no end of bullshit for everyone around them, violently or otherwise.  But it goes beyond even that.

Collective behavioral patterns, and their acceptabilities, are based on, from what I can tell, what region of this planet your in.  Manners are a real good example of this.  Belching in public, for instance, can be considered rude in place, but perfectly acceptable or even complimentary somewhere else.  The question I constantly asked as a kid, and was therefore constantly admonished for, was “what if I don’t agree with most of this crap?”  Typically, nobody is equipped to give a better reason than “it doesn’t matter.”  However, I have come to discover that it may, in fact, matter.  Just because a group of people all agreed on statement A at some point in time doesn’t mean it’s either correct, logical, or even sane.  Remember, large group-collectives of people are incredibly stupid.  One might say that the larger the collective, the more sick, stupid and violent are the people who comprise it, even when the group is dealing in things as simple as greeting cards.

Enjoy the fireworks.